For The Girls: Top 20 Lamest Pickup Lines


Ok ladies, how many times has this happened to you?… You’re at the mall, (or worse) at a bar or out with your friends and some douche bag comes up to you and says, “How many times has this happened to you?” Puh-leeez! If that’s really the best you can do it’s no wonder the food served in the coach section of the airplane has more taste than you.

So here we have it… In order from moderately tame to seriously lame… A fabulous collection of some of the weakest pick-up lines ever perpetuated on us girls.


Round 1

10. I’ll be your Burger King if you’ll be my Dairy Queen (not even if you were the last piece of meat on earth).

9. Is there a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them (All I see is me hungover in some upholstered men’s room you call your home).

8. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven (Not as much as it hurt your pride when I stepped on you).

7. Let’s go behind a big rock and get a little “boulder.” (Uh, I don’t think so)

6. You might not be the best looking girl here but beauty is only a light switch away (I think you’re mistaking me for someone who would actually talk to you)

5. You sure have a great looking tooth (Are you for real?)

4. You want me. I can smell it (I think that’s your armpits)

3. If you were a wedgie, I’d pick you. (I think you’re a turd. Please allow me to flush you).

2. My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in (My feelings for you are like laxatives, you irritate the crap out of me).

1. Can I use your cell phone? I told my girlfriend I’d call her when I found someone better (I think you’d better call Tyrone instead).


Round 2

by Miss Cellania

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.


And there we have it, straight from the bowels of manhood and machismo…. Would somebody please tell these poor depraved souls that when talking about perfect 10 us girls mean hotness ratings not IQs…

Now that we have the idiosyncratic guy ramblings behind us. Let’s have a look at some better alternatives…

1. Can I buy you a drink?.. Or do you just want the money? (fast and effective!)

2. If a star fell from the sky every time I thought of you the sky would be empty tonight. (cheesey, but cute)

3. You must be a magician because every time I look at you everyone else seems to disappear. (Keep talking – I’m listening)


Bonus Round

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.


What do you call a man who has lost 95 per­cent of his brainpower?
A widower.


Two girlfriends were having lunch one day when one of them started to dish about her new husband.

“His penis is really small, but the sex is won­derful,” she said.

“So,” her friend said, “what you’re saying is he’s really rich.”

“Exactly,” the first woman replied.

Questions?.. Comments?.. Ideas?.. Pics?.. Funny stories?.. Fan or hate mail?.. And your best and worst pickup lines… I’d love to hear from ♥u♥ HIT ME UP!!! – Alisha “”

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Author:Alisha Ashley Cook

Alisha Ashley Cook is model and fashion fanatic. When she's not tearing up the town she's at home cooking, gaming and trying out new styles.

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